her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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