the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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