i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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