she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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