Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize