we have pet lesbian snakes
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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