moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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