If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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