so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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