His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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