so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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