No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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