He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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