I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize