Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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