there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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