My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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