the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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