I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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