My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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