Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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