Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize