I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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