Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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