allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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