I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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