I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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