Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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