Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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