No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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