Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had to cum in my sink.
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