3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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