There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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