I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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