Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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