Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize