I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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