ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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