hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize