Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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