Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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