My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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