Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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