Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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