The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize