I think i peed on brittanys purse
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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