so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize