I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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