i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize