there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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